children of a lesser god ... (not)

Make Them Laugh

2008-09-30T10:55:00.003-05:00

Haven't you found that laughter lifts everyone up? We need to surround ourselves - and remind our children - to laugh especially at ourselves. This cute crew entertained the hometown crowd in a recent parade. Hope it makes you smile!

Bullies All Around Them

2008-09-28T18:51:00.003-05:00

Reading my daughter's note to her teachers reminds me that over the years I have seen many forms of bullying in the schools (not to mention the buses!), and we must spend time teaching our children to fend for themselves even if it's just disregarding hurtful comments. Some children, like my daughter, are extremely sensitive and don't even want to share with me what made her cry in school. She was always afraid I'd do something to further embarass her or draw attention to her lack of intelligence. She is only now, in 8th grade, able to even form the words which describe her hell at school.

It's a hard knock life for all special needs kids. People who think they get what they need in the schools are really missing the whole issue. Left and right these kids are falling in between the cracks, many times because they aren't yet up to the struggle, many times because they get tired of the fight, many times because they actually believe they are stupid.

God bless the teachers and counselors who look out for them.

In my daughter's words

2008-09-25T23:39:00.001-05:00

My life in school

I am writing about how I feel. Ok here it goes, when I was in class my friend was saying little words out loud about me sucking my thumb, then I felt that she shouldn’t say out loud. Because 4 people could hear what she said. Because when ever I was doing that, she keeps saying that twice everyday. And I felt like a dork. Because she is not my boss to say that. and the four people are joking about it. And it makes me embarrassed and I hide my face and started to cry. Because I do not want people staring at me. Because it well makes me cry a lot more. Every year when I was in school they does that to me a lot. I well tell you why I suck my thumb. Because when I was a baby I couldn’t hear and I well get sad easily. My brother kept stealing my paci, so I didn’t have anything to make me fell better, so I started to suck my thumb when I was little. I was lonely. Today I suck my thumb when I was tired and sad. But when I was in the bus I started remembered that the past my friends was smiling at me and I felt so happy in my life, to make me feel better. Because my friends never ever make fun of me. Because I was having fun with my friends who are nice to me. And I wish that people are nice to me from now on.

By Caroline

The importance of mentoring

2008-09-24T07:22:00.002-05:00

I have three special needs children, and one thing which has made sense to pursue was mentorships. Nothing formal. Just establishing touchstones for my children in the community. People who love them, understand them and wish the best for them (children can SO pick up on vibes). Our church youth group, with the volunteer adults, is a great place for my children to be nurtured. Another is to select adults who hold careers of interest to the child or who carry the same diagnosis as the child.

This is Ed Buckner, weatherman for KTHV in LR. He also suffers from Tourette's and has been a source of inspiration to Carter. His interest in Carter is priceless. However frustrated he gets with himself, he has proof that he is not stupid because Ed has Tourett'es too, and he's not stupid.

Here's to all the wonderful role models and mentors, Big Brothers and Big Sisters out there - hoorah!

It's That Time of Year

2008-09-18T19:18:00.007-05:00

It's that time of year here in Arkansas. As soon as the first slightly cool whiff of air blows from the north a large portion of the population heads to the woods and the lakes to stalk all manner of beasts. Hey, it's good fun and a great way to bond with family members.

Although my children and I don't hunt, they do like to fish, and their daddy works to feed his duck hunting obsession.

These girls hunt and are second cousins. They hunt squirrel, deer and turkey with their daddies.

Here's the quntessential Deer Chili recipe if you can get hold of some deer meat! Enjoy!

Deer Chili

2 lbs deer hamburger

1 onion

1 bell pepper

2 -3 cloves garlic

1 can light red kidney beans

1 can tomatoes

1 can tomato sauce

1 - 2 jalapenos

1 - 2 cans water (or beer)

3 - 4 tsp chili powder

salt & pepper

1 pkg chili seasoning mix

Brown deer, onion, garlic and pepper together.

Add remaining ingredients.

Simmer 30 minutes

Everybody needs a Time Out

2008-09-15T15:28:00.003-05:00

Now that school is in full swing, I'd like to take a moment to remind everyone about stress overload.

My children get stressed when school starts. it IS exciting, BUT... my daughter is afraid she isn't smart, and the new coursework will be too hard for her. Psshh! Puhlease! My son with Tourett's has such an increase in tics during stressful times that we are homeschooling him this year. My son with Asperger's just does nutty things and acts kind of "jerky" as in not paying attention, zoning out, hitting bumpers.....

Consider this, though, those of you who are parents of special needs children... when my son was in 3rd grade, we found ourselves in a different school district, different state for a year. The school he attended introduced him to a "quiet spot" on his first day of school. The "quiet spot" was located in a corner of the resource room and was sectioned off by bookshelves and had a big, comfy beanbag chair in the middle of the space with quiet toys and night shade (dark sunglasses) in case he needed a dark place. he was told he could go there anytime. You know, he never used that "quiet spot" during that school year, but he would periodically check on it to make sure it was there.

Everybody chill!!!

First Wreck

2008-09-09T23:10:00.003-05:00

My 16 yr old son who suffers from Asperger's had an accident today - his first. As he swung his car into a parking slot at the dentist's office, he hit the bumper of a parked van.

There were so many blessings - nobody in van, nobody hurt, on private property, so he didn't have to bear interrogations by the police, and the mother who was very understanding.

STILL, he was very upset for several hours tearing up that first hour, convinced he would get arrested, his dad would take the car away, he would lose his license, etc. A couple of hours later and at home, I glanced out the kichen window and announced, "They're here!" because my 23 yr old son and his girlfriend had arrived for supper. Timmy thought the police had arrived to take him away....

If it weren't so sad, I would laugh. Just when I thought he was doing so good (and he IS!), and I didn't have to worry so, I see how easy it is for him to be blindsided into a confused state.

They are never too old for their mama.

Boys Just Want to Have Fun

2008-09-01T08:12:00.006-05:00

Some of us live in smallish communities, and we know it's important to place a priority providing our youth with activities. Kudos to our town for providing a skateboard park for kids ot hang out.

It's when teens are bored, that they become involved in mischief. I never believed in orchestrating every moment in a child's life, but it is important to offer them options to expand their horizons.

Who knows? Maybe one of these hotshots will be an Olympian one day...

A Note to the Teachers

2008-08-26T21:22:00.005-05:00

Well, I did the unthinkable. Something I know you've wanted to do, and maybe you've beat me to the punch.

Although my son is a high school junior, I sent an e-mail introducing him to every teacher. I told them, although they probably don't notice, he has Asperger's. I explained that he has a 504 plan, and that he is allowed extra time, and that all assignments need to be presented in writing - not a big deal, but, dear fellow parents, you know how our children slip through the cracks - particularly those who look and SEEM nuerotypical.

Almost every one of them sent me a very supportive response immediatley, and two teachers said they were reading his modifications as they responded (YIPPEE!). All said the first week went smoothly, he was well-mannered and they didn't forsee any problems. Every one of them said they would look out for him, and if he expressed concern or confusion to let them know immediately......

There you have it, gentle readers. My son may not be in the top 5% of the class (although he's pretty high up there and in the National Honor Society), but it is a shame to overlook him because he is not as fast as the others.

Don't forget to advocate for your child. Embrace the labels. The earlier you do, the sooner your child will surpass the limits of that label...

About the Boys

2008-08-26T20:50:00.003-05:00

We encourage our sons, Tim and Carter, to participate in activities as well.

Tim, who has Asperger's is in the marching band. Band is a great activity for kids who are musically inclined. Because "Aspy" kids need a little help with social skills, participating in band automatically makes him a part of something larger - it's great for his image. Because the steps to the routines are black and white and very regimented he excells. He lugs a tuba during the routine, so during marching season, he gets a workout.

Carter plays the flute in the band. Although he is home schooled this year, the school district is allowing him to continue in band and take and elective, so he attends the junior high for the last two periods of the day. Carter is really shy, and with the tics brought on by Tourette's Syndrome, any chance to shine is welcome. The band, again, gives him a positive group to belong to. He is also joining Venture Scouts this semester, an arm of the Boy Scouts. The group focuses on paddling, so it gets him outdoors too.

Encourage your child to join something for the fun of it (but, of course, we know they'll be learning valuable skills along the way...)

Take Advantage of Life for Therapy

2008-08-23T20:26:00.004-05:00

It's the time of year when everything starts up - dance and music classes, scouts and Taekwondo.

Lucky for us, Caroline (who was born deaf) loves to dance, and so she was enrolled in dance at an early age. Last year, she decided she didn't want to take instruction anymore, but she did agree to help the younger girls' class. She helped keep the four and five year olds in line and made sure they knew their dance steps.

This year, I am making her continue her ballet even though she is not happy. I told her this was for several reasons. First of all, she's talented in dance, and she needs to do something active for exercise. Also, it's great therapy for her and even though she sings in the school choir, dance requires her body to repsond to the music. Also, ballet is hard and requires her concentration. I think it presents opportunities for her to shine, and we who are mothers of special needs kids need to acitvely look for ways that our children can shine.

It is so hard for them to shine at school where the faster, smarter kids sign up for things first and finish assignments first and don't have to ask the teacher for help. It is so hard for our children to expect anything but failure because school isn't set up for them to actually succeed at anything.

I'll tell you about her brothers next time. Unitl then, God bless you and yours, and may this year bring your children rich successes.

School Days

2008-08-20T07:27:00.004-05:00

School days, school days, dear old golden rule days...
Yes, it's that time again, gentle reader. My baby birds have flown the coop (except the one I am homeschooling this year), and I hope you are all ready - not to relax or breath a sigh of relief -
P-L-E-A-S-E!!! This is the moment our vigilance begins.

We begin by walking on eggshells and projecting cheery introductions to the teachers we don't know as we help our special needs children acclimate to their new surroundings. If that means we take our children to school the day before classes begin to spend two hours trying the lock on their locker, well, my God, we sit there and encourage them till we're blue in the face because we know the stress they will feel when the day of reckoning arrives.

If we walk through their schedule on that pre-class day, so that they don't get "lost" amidst the multitudes of junior high kids shouting and running and laughing in the hallways when the day of reckoning comes, well, my God, we do it because we know the time investment is an insurance policy. Maybe, if we pay now for our child's tears and apprehensions, the day of reckoning will go more smoothly.

We walk to the cafeteria together and meet the lunch ladies who are opening the kitchen in anticipation of the day of reckoning. They shake our child's hand and show him how to enter his ID number in the little machine. They tell him that he has to make choices between the salad bar and the regular line or the special diet line which is fine to choose even if he isn't on a special diet.

Oh my God, the day of reckoning approaches ... don't ask my child which meal he wants. What he hungers for is acceptance. Just treat him the way you'd want to be treated. You know, the golden rule.

Time to Make a Call (click here)

2008-08-16T18:20:00.007-05:00

There's some action in D.C. concerning modifications to the existing Americans with Disabilities Law. The proposed bill will be on the senate floor in September. The modifications bring the ADA intentions more in line with the original coverage guidelines. To find out more check
http://www.accessiblesociety.org/topics/ada/misunderstood.htm
or
http://www.agbell.org/DesktopDefault.aspx

Clicking on the title will take you to a list of senators. Find yours and get involved today!

Let's make this a better world and easier for our children!

Driving King (rhymes with Dancing Queen!)

2008-08-12T23:36:00.005-05:00

Well, my 16 year old is driving all by his lonesome! It sure is nice during these every-day-for-two-weeks pre-school band practices. For those of you new to the site, my son has Asperger Syndrome although you would be hard pressed to identify him at this point (now, 10 years ago it was a different story altogether!).

His ability to hyperfocus has proven to be beneficial in his driving skills as he pays attention all the time. He is a rules-follower and doesn't know it's an option to disobey, so, for now, I know he won't turn on the radio or answer his cell phone when he is driving but will wait till he pulls over or reaches his destination.

And the fact that he is driving his own car certainly bolsters his image among his peers.

Just watch out if you're driving around us...

Music for the Masses

2008-08-09T12:40:00.008-05:00

Gentle readers, we have always known music reaches across borders of cultures and languages. There is a wonderful music program which started in Venezuela and has received worldwide acclaim. It is called El Sistema. The Great Gustavo Dudamel,who was born into poverty and hired, at 26, to lead the Los Angeles Orchestra, is a product of that program. He is determined to spread that love of music to children in the U.S.

While I admire the profound impact of music in these children's lives, it is the music for the deaf and impaired children which rivetted my attention.

My own deaf daughter (she has a cochlear implant)loves music, is in her third year singing in the school choir and writes her own songs. I remember seeing all the deaf children at her former schol in St. Louis (St. Joseph Institute for the Deaf) with ear buds, plugged in like other kids.

Enjoy this and share the music!!!

See the Video Bar on the left!

Yet, She Sings

2008-08-05T11:00:00.005-05:00

But, and this is a BIG but, my deaf daughter loves to sing! The incoming eighth grader has sung the last two years in her school choir. Bless her heart, she can't carry a tune, but she is determined and sincere, and so proud she is singing with everybody else.

She is into writing songs now. In fact, it's become a sort of journaling for her. She has written half a dozen songs, mostly about missing a friend or looking for a friend... this is so wonderfully therpautic for her. She's playing with language, she's expressing herself, and the good thing is, she is overcoming her inhibitions about performing alone and begs her grandmother or her dad or me to listen to her. It's so inspiring!

May you be inspired today!

More on Teachers

2008-08-01T23:18:00.003-05:00

Sometimes the biggest bullies at school are the teachers, and that's a sad fact. Out of seven teachers last year, my son had three awesome teachers and the rest? Well, they were overwhelmed.

His only modification in his 504 is that he is allowed extra time to complete assignments and tests because when he is in the middle of having tics he can't hear directions or attend to a task.

When teachers are aware of the situation and pretty much force him to beg for that time, that's bullying. My son was calling me from school, in tears, wanting me to come and pick him up. That's pretty heart-wrenching for any mom. He was 13 years old at the time, so I think that made it more unusual.

Just a word to you moms of special needs kids out there: Trust your gut and stand by your children. School is a struggle every day for our children, even if they are bright. Consider home schooling - just another option.

Tip: When you are new to this, and you are faced with attending IEP meetings, invite friends and family who know and love your child. They can provide valuable insight at a time when your nerves are shot and table talk turns to unfamiliar territory.

Child With Tourette's

2008-07-29T08:44:00.004-05:00

I haven't talked much about my son who has Tourette's. Unlike the movie, Rain Man, his tics do not emanate from the mouth (except he does talk negatively and angrily to himself such as I suck, I'm a loser, I hate my life). Depression is a real factor.

Rather, his tics involve his body. I told you that, as a baby, he was a head banger in the crib. As a toddler, he banged his head against the seat of the car or against the wall if he was sitting on the floor. During those early years, his eyes became part of the sequence. They would roll back, in unision. It was very unnerving.

First grade bought about a new addition. The tics would start with the head and eyes but would then include the whole shoulder dipping with the head and started to include the hip. It was pretty scary to watch. His teacher and I were afraid he was going to have a blown out seizure.

It was hard trying to evaluate this without disturbing my son who was already painfully aware of how distracting he was. Combine that with the fact that he is really shy.

He started taking Risperdal and has been taking it for over six years. This past year (7th grade), we had to increase the dosage for the umpteenth time to help assuage the tics which were aggravated by he teasing he received in the school setting. He was called "Tic Boy" and other unsavory terms and asked constantly what was wrong with him.

Gentle reader, the worst part of the ill behavior wasn't the reaction of his fellow students but the reaction of some of his overworked and overwhelmed teachers.

More on that in tomorrow's blog. Take care of yourself out there - it's a wild world.

Summer Great Time to Capture Kids and Arkansas

2008-07-27T16:16:00.004-05:00

Here are the Huck Finn wannabees and the raft they created during Adventure Camp at our local state park.

It is good to encourage the kiddos to "get unplugged" and enjoy the outdoors. See my blog post dated July 18th.

The Last Child in the Woods written by Richard Louv is some good summer reading for those of you dealing with children who have sensory issues, attention deficits or are just plain too involved with electronic games and computers.

http://www.capturearkansas.com/search/photos/jeannie+stone

Our state newspaper is hosting an online photography contest inviting everyone to submit their best photographs depicting life in Arkansas. Anyone can sign up to submit photos or to cast votes. The top runners in each of the designated "chapters" will be featured in a coffetable book, and at least one photo from each participating photographer will be included in a DVD. So, even if you haven't any ties to Arkansas, go and view what we are all about. But, be prepared! You will see a double decker outhouse, plenty of tractors, and lots of shots of our beautiful woods, lakes, deltas and mountains.

May your day be filled with the wonders of nature and beauty wherever you are!

Feeling Stupid

2008-07-24T16:01:00.005-05:00

During an afternoon bike ride with a neighbor and her daughter, my 13 1/2 year old daughter was moritified by the mother who screamed at her. My daughter had not heard a car approaching.

Several hours later, my daughter delivered a hand written note apologizing for her stupidity, and I heard my daughter crying and saying, "I'm stupid, I'm stupid." over and over.

There are few things that break a mother's heart more completely than listening to a child berate herself.

Take time to hold a hand, smile or encourage a child today. There's room at the table for everyone!

Last Child in the Woods

2008-07-18T22:38:00.004-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I am the mother of three special needs children. My 16 year old has a form of high functioning autism called Asperger Syndrome. During the early years, it was marked, primarily, by sensory processing issues and a lack of connectiveness with his environment, and, most disturbingly, people. It is that connecting that I'd like to address in today's blog.

In 2005, Richard Louv, a journalist, wrote the national bestseller Last Child in the Woods for which he won the 2008 Audubon Medal. In the book, Louv coined the phrase "nature-deficit disorder" which referred to the worldwide trend that "children are spending less time outdoors, resulting in a wide range of behavioral problems." This book has spawned the Children and Nature Movement across the globe. It is based on the simple idea that: "the child in nature is an endangered species, and the health of children and the health of the Earth are inseparable."

The reason I bring this up is simple. Although not directly targeting special needs kids, this article expounds on the therapeutic virtues of spending time outdoors, and, although my son doesn't clamour to the door at the mention of taking a hike, such diversions have a huge impact on his mental acuity.

My child has a huge talent for playing electronic games, but it drains him, leaves him wild-eyed and agitated, and he simply can't regulate the time he spends holed up in his room. I find that I am trying to keep tabs on him, making sure he doesn't wile away four hours at one sitting!!!

Over the years, I have noticed he is more present, engaging and calm when he has a bit of fresh air in his lungs. Because he is not self-directed in unfamiliar tasks, he is in charge of taking the dog for a walk everyday. That is a concrete objective that still gives in to the "being outdoors" school of thought.

If you live in a place without easy access to parks or hiking trails, take advantage of neighborhood walks. I promise you will see a difference in your child. According to Louv, "No one among us wants to be a member of the last generation to pass on to our children the joy of playing outside in nature."

visit www.childrenandnature.org. or http://richardlouv.com.

Stop and smell the roses!

Our Buttons Are Poppin'

2008-07-17T22:05:00.000-05:00

Our very own former governor Mike Huckabee is the guest host of the Paul Harvey radio show the week beginning July 15th. I suggest you check him out. He is a natural performer. We always knew that in Arkansas! Course there is that preacher side of him! www.paulharvey.com.

Huckabee (aka. "The Huck" or "Huckster") is a good ole' boy, so we are proud for him. He did a lot for education in our state and I have a picture of my daughter (who was born deaf) standing next to him as he signed the Universal Hearing Screening bill into law dictating that all hospitals birthing 50 babies or more a year provided a hearing screening.

My daughter was only three years old, and it was a banner day. Today, she is almost fourteen, has a cochlear implant, teaches dance to pre-schoolers and sings in her school choir.

Crisis Situation

2008-07-17T14:20:00.001-05:00

What I couldn't believe when my children were young was that the educators weren't interested in educaitng my children. Well, not all of them, and those who were allies wouldn't speak up during IEP meetings out of fear of losing their jobs.

My daughter was enrolled in a presechool co-op for special needs children and because she had not met the goals for the three years, we were wanting her to remain in the preschool rather than continue to kindergarten. After all, her birthday was Aug. 29th!

After a lengthy and costly due process hearing, we were no closer to coming to agreeable terms with the school district who basically received a slap on the wrist for the obstinant and antagonistic manner they chose to deal with us. In other words, the opinion of the ruling officer was that they were not breaking the law.

The school officials thought, perhaps, our daughter was not smart enough to talk. We saved her from that... we enrolled her at St. Joseph's Institute for the Deaf in St. Louis. A week before her fifth birthday, we left her in a dorm several hundred miles away from home.

Parents sacrifice in all kinds of ways, every day, for their children.

Remembering the Day of the Diagnosis

2008-07-16T16:35:00.002-05:00

When my daughter was diagnosed with a profound bilateral hearing loss (110 decibal loss in each ear), I was relieved. Ok, let me back up.

I had been observing her peculiar behaviors for months. I had three in diapers (she is a twin). Because of my past work finding jobs for handicapped adults, I was familiar with deafness. I wasn't completely sure it was a hearing loss we were dealing with.

She made noises that sounded like Mama, Dada, etc.. but her eyes were so wide open in all the photos I took. In hindsight, I knew she was "hearing" with her eyes - trying to see behind her.
She played apart from the boys (I thought it was becasue they kept stealing her pacifyer). She constantly rubbed the tablecloth and drapes across her cheeks (she was seeking stimulation).

My fear was that she was autistic or mildly retarded. I was relieved it was just hearing. I thought we could deal with that. Every disability has its hardships, and nothing worth fighting for is easy.

Be of courage!

And Still Another

2008-07-15T10:51:00.000-05:00

Yes, her twin has Tourette Syndrome. He was a head banger as an infant. He used to hit his head so hard against the crib railing, it would shake the whole house. My husband the physician, would say that he would stop if it hurt him. It was hard for me to believe that. he would rock and bang his head against the wall or in his car seat. He was labeled with a tic disorder.

As a toddler, his eyes started rolling to the bank of his head. That was pretty unnerving! He did this constatnly and would blink hard almost to try and control it. By the time he entered kindergarten, he would start with the eyes, but the shoulder would twitch also. By the time he entered first grade, his whole body would convulse, and I was afraid he was going to have a seizure. We finally made it in to see a different specialist who did the whole round of tests and concluded he had Tourette's.

I am fixing to home school him this year (8th grade).

The Deaf One

2008-07-14T12:51:00.000-05:00

Yes, I have a deaf child,too. She is the girl I prayed to conceive for years. We didn't realize she was deaf until she was 16 months old, and since her birth predated mandatory hearing screanings performed on newborns, that was considered early in our state.

We managed to make some progress with hearing aids and had much resistance from the school district when she was reaching kindergarten age. We begged them to allow her to continue with the special services preschool for another year (especially since her birthday is Aug 29th!). They refused. We spent months and thousands of dollars fighting for some allowances but weretold they suspected she might not be smart enough to learn to talk.

Our school district had nver taught a deaf child to talk. She was, and is, part of the hearing world. We ended up sending her to another state to a specialized school for 3 years (the last year we maintained an apartment), but a week before she turned five, we left her in a dorm.

Moms Know

2008-07-13T22:32:00.002-05:00

I have to say my husband was not supportive at all. Fortunately, he has made an about turn, but, back then, when I needed answers, he refused to believe there was anything wrong with our son. The boy was tested and diagnosed at three and a half. Asperger Syndrome. A real name to a real condition. My husband and I went to the national convention. He cried and refused to go back after first day. He said they were talking about him as a child. Asperger Syndrome. Gee, who knew.

Start Early, My Friends

2008-07-13T22:17:00.000-05:00

Asperger Syndrome is a form of autism. My son was diagnosed at three and a half, but I had become concerned long before then. I have to say, however, he was my happiest baby out of my four. When he was two, I tried placing him in a day care three days a week, so I could tend to my twin newborns. He didn’t last two weeks. The teachers confirmed my suspicians. He was aggressive, had trouble expressing his frustrations. He wouldn’t nap. He wouldn’t make eye contact. He repeated everything over and over. Finally, someone saw what I saw.

Don't Let the Hand Get in the Way

2008-07-13T22:15:00.000-05:00

He started writing camp this morning. I signed him up for the summer course at the high school to help him with his writing inhibitions. He was not a happy camper. When he was younger, he could not stand handling a pencil. The very act of putting pencil to paper was just too painful for him. It will always be an issue although, when we home-schooled, he could shout, sing or record his answers, and that worked out great! The ability to think off the cuff will always challenge him. No medicine for four years, National Honor Society member, first chair in tuba, and he has three friends. We are fortunate. So, off he goes to camp, my fighter.

Rejoice for Three Friends

2008-07-13T22:09:00.000-05:00

June 1, 2008 (from my diary)

My son had his 16th birthday party yesterday. He invited all the people he knew; three came. Thank God, he has three friends! My son has Asperger Syndrome. He was diagnosed at three and a half years old against the wishes of my husband who blamed me for being a refrigerator mom and making a mountain out of a molehill. I knew if I wanted to love my son, I had to understand him. And in those early days, as we entered into the trenches of autism spectrum disorders, I knew in my heart of hearts, something was deeply wrong.